How to Screw Up a Quick Home Sale

Are you wanting to take months and months to sell your home? Here are some great tips:

Assume you know more about selling your home than your real estate agent and ignore their suggestions. Instead, take real estate advice from your sister-in-law who lives in another state, who sold real estate, part-time, years ago.

Refuse to be inconvenienced and continue living in your home the way you normally do. If buyers can’t accept that you’re still living here, they’re not intelligent enough to be purchasing a house.

Insist on overpricing your home far above your comps, just to see if you can get it. If it appraises for $20,000 less, that’s the buyer’s problem.

Turn down staging when your agent offers it, because you watch a lot of HGTV, and your sister likes to decorate. Buyers will just have to look past your doll collection and mountains of computer hardware in the bedroom.

Move out, then stage with the mauve floral furniture found in the basement.

Use a bedroom for storage. Cram it all into one unused bedroom and believe buyers will think, “Wow, look at all of the stuff in here—this room is HUGE!”

“Wing it” when selecting paint for the interior or exterior; “refresh” with a coat of the existing burgundy or brown color.

Assume “as-is” includes trash in the garage, a week’s worth of used cat litter in the hall bath, clumps of dust on the ceiling fan blades, a week’s worth of dirty dishes in the sink, and the old roof.

Leave the dated wallpaper for buyers to remove because your friend said she likes it.

Insert a scented Plug-In at every other outlet, because you like the scent. If buyers get a headache or wonder what you’re trying to cover up, too bad. This is for you, not them.

Go energy-efficient when you leave for work and leave the house at a chilly 60 degrees in winter, and a sweltering 80 degrees in summer. Buyers might be uncomfortable and annoyed, but ultimately, they’ll understand.

Make zero improvements because the buyer will want to make their own personal changes to it. Because you’re demanding top dollar, they can tap into the kids’ college funds to finance the updates.

Replace the carpet in your master bath with new carpet, then insist on raising the price of your home. It’s new carpet, after all.

Cook as usual, using a crockpot and the strong spices and oils. Buyers will drool with jealousy over your culinary expertise, and their hair and clothes will remind them of it all day.

Don’t harass the teens to make their beds and keep their bathrooms clean. Teens: can’t control them, can’t afford to ship them to boarding school.

Make buyers reschedule a showing because you didn’t get a 24-hour notice. They won’t reschedule, but it’ll be their loss.

Wait for buyer feedback—and accumulate days-on-market—before making updates. Buyers love playing detective to figure out, “Why hasn’t it sold? What’s wrong with it?”

Hang out in the driveway waiting for buyers to finish touring your home. Don’t worry: it won’t take long.

Take advantage of your superpower: PATIENCE. You have an infinite amount of it. Eventually, your pot will find its lid after you’ve lowered the price a couple of times over the next year.

On the other hand, if you’d rather have buyers arm-wrestling for your home in the front yard, schedule your appointment with me today!

You might also like: Should an As-Is House be Staged?

Copyright © 2022 by Cynthia Gentry Black, Home Staging by Cynthia, LLC in Kansas City.
All rights reserved. No portion may be shared, reused or republished in any format without express written consent of the author.

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